LOVE, LESSONS and LOSS
We have many reasons for staying in an unhealthy relationship. The one I have had most difficulty with in recent years is cognitive dissonance. When your beliefs and desires clash with reality. You know intuitively something is off but you keep telling yourself it will get better.
I spent five years with many pauses in the relationship. From the beginning, I felt in my heart it would never work. Although he wasn’t outwardly abusive, his words did not match his actions. There were obstacles that clearly could not be resolved.
Time after time, I would be hurt and walk away. He would eventually reach out and I would go back, assuming he had time to process why I left and hoping things would change. All the while knowing intuitively it would never work.
Listen to your intuition. It will never lead you astray.
This relationship went on until my body began to shut down. I lost weight, a lot of weight. I had no appetite. I was anxious much of the time and thought there was something physically wrong to cause someone who loved to eat to have no desire for food. This went on for over a year and after many tests, I was told there was no physical reason. It was frightening to get on the scale and see it go down. I was weak, I was anxious.
I finally realized my body was speaking to me and had been for years.
At 68, dating a man who many respected, a good-looking, financially secure, family man. A man who professed his love for me daily yet in so many ways revealed what his true intention was. The internal conflict created so much stress and confusion I finally left for good.
I am healing now. My appetite is back and I no longer feel anxious.
I realized we must love ourselves and put ourselves first before we can have a true and healthy relationship.